Exeter Autumn


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It seems like the autumn color has been slow returning this year or maybe because I have been ill the last seven months shut indoors I lost track. We just ended having an Indian Summer of sorts temperature-wise.  Just the same, it’s arrived here in Exeter New Hampshire and while coming home from an appointment I managed some phone snaps. Bless my husband for being the patient soul he is and making it possible for me to see my most adored season!




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“That email.”

My husband has reached out to social media and other outlets including a news reporter using an email trying to find not only a physician who will perform a simple exploratory but also to find answers why nobody has. Yesterday I recieved a call from the chief of GYN surgery at Maine Medical Center, Portland. He too agreed a surgeon needs to do something and said he would assist if I were admitted. 

Well, does he not bare weight or have the means to start a dialogue where he phoned from? Of course he does. So why then call and tell me in my suffering what I already know after seeing my records, your point? 

It’s a bitter reality that nobody cares about life as we are led to think. Being sent home from all available ER’s is scary shit that leaves us hopeless. Someone needs to “man up” and simply do their job. I’m not terminal for God’s sake but I will die if a surgeon doesn’t intervene soon from malnutrition to start.

Welcome September



It’s been beautiful though very dry this summer and I’m always sad to see it go. Still waiting on surgery and viewed 99% of the season from my quiet spot in bed. Hoping this will all be resolved soon if we can find a willing surgeon so I can enjoy my favorite time of year, autumn.

 God bless.

Silent Arrival


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It’s nearly Autumn.

Driving in the backroads recently with my husband the scenery was breathtaking. Further inland here in New Hampshire past Newmarket northwest the trees are beginning their quiet but beautiful transformation New England is famous for.  I may have missed the whole summer but my soul comes alive during my favorite time of year and all the splendor that it brings. 

The nippy night air, the smell of wafting woodsmoke, apple picking, and how I love the Maine Cumberland County Fair to name a few!

7 Months Later


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What hit me? 

As some know in January my youngest son was seriously ill and in the hospital, I was traveling weekly caring for him out of state. He is now home by the way, back to work, and doing well though still under a doctors care. 

During that time my stomach began having intermitent sharp pain but as it felt like hunger, I would eat and it would subside. Being “mom” and under stress I paid little attention and plodded on. 

January this year I weighed 220 pounds. It’s August and I weighed 147 today at my doctor appointment. I’m not on a diet nor was I planning on losing weight, at least not in this manner. This is excruciating. I have full blown upper abdomen pain 24-7 now and eating solids absolutely increases the agony, so I eat very little out of fear of more pain.  Consuming cooked vegetables and soft fruit are my saving grace and cause no further discomfort. I am literally starving to death amidst American healthcare politics.

I am in a dizzying marathon of hospital ER visits, tests, more doctors. I even saw an oncologyst. No answers. Friday I undergo an outpatient procedure and if there is no answers exploratory laproscopic surgery will be next so two surgeons can get in there and “look” for the cause of my suffering. Why has this dragged out so long? Money, and my insurance pays well so we are “referred” over and over again and again while doctors avoid actually getting to the root of my health problem. No I am usually not a sceptic but I am watching it play out and my health insurance is the cash cow. Last week a doctor in New Hampshire charged my insurance 876$ for one urine test. Yep, pee in a cup and dip the stick. 

Suffering is the word in New England to describe the ill. It’s not new news that there is a morbid horrible drug overdose epidemic up here. The problem is real patients suffering everything from  life ending cancer to injuries cannot get any or adequate pain medication which in turn is forcing ill people to do what authorities are trying to stop. Seek out pain medication elsewhere on their own. I am not one of those people but I see it and hear about it in every medical waiting room. 

What my husband and I would not give for just one weekend somewhere hiding away, a boat, a cabin… a mental break before winter arrives sealing us indoors for six months. 

I’m terrified. Had I been 147 pounds when this began, ….