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What hit me? 

As some know in January my youngest son was seriously ill and in the hospital, I was traveling weekly caring for him out of state. He is now home by the way, back to work, and doing well though still under a doctors care. 

During that time my stomach began having intermitent sharp pain but as it felt like hunger, I would eat and it would subside. Being “mom” and under stress I paid little attention and plodded on. 

January this year I weighed 220 pounds. It’s August and I weighed 147 today at my doctor appointment. I’m not on a diet nor was I planning on losing weight, at least not in this manner. This is excruciating. I have full blown upper abdomen pain 24-7 now and eating solids absolutely increases the agony, so I eat very little out of fear of more pain.  Consuming cooked vegetables and soft fruit are my saving grace and cause no further discomfort. I am literally starving to death amidst American healthcare politics.

I am in a dizzying marathon of hospital ER visits, tests, more doctors. I even saw an oncologyst. No answers. Friday I undergo an outpatient procedure and if there is no answers exploratory laproscopic surgery will be next so two surgeons can get in there and “look” for the cause of my suffering. Why has this dragged out so long? Money, and my insurance pays well so we are “referred” over and over again and again while doctors avoid actually getting to the root of my health problem. No I am usually not a sceptic but I am watching it play out and my health insurance is the cash cow. Last week a doctor in New Hampshire charged my insurance 876$ for one urine test. Yep, pee in a cup and dip the stick. 

Suffering is the word in New England to describe the ill. It’s not new news that there is a morbid horrible drug overdose epidemic up here. The problem is real patients suffering everything from  life ending cancer to injuries cannot get any or adequate pain medication which in turn is forcing ill people to do what authorities are trying to stop. Seek out pain medication elsewhere on their own. I am not one of those people but I see it and hear about it in every medical waiting room. 

What my husband and I would not give for just one weekend somewhere hiding away, a boat, a cabin… a mental break before winter arrives sealing us indoors for six months. 

I’m terrified. Had I been 147 pounds when this began, …. 

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